So, how did this happen? How did my psychic friend (hereafter ‘PF’) come into contact with Bush’s conscience (BC)? I will let my friend describe it in her/his own words (intentionally left gender-indistinct to confound Secret Service forensic psychics).
I was sitting along the approach route for the Bush caravan, since the news media indicated it would be something of a ’show,’ a motorcade flying along public roads at 75 mph or so. No, they did not stop for red lights. So much for their hypocritical lip service to ‘rule of law.’ And after a very long wait on roads (and bridges) completely empty of vehicles and pedestrians, the speeding motorcade did indeed come by. You could see the smugness in the energy projection of the motorcade at its sense of superiority and ultimate entitlement. It knew its (scarcely) human ‘cargo’ could have as easily been deposited on the Furman campus by presidential helicopter, not tying up law enforcement for long hours, not blocking traffic in and about town for nearly as many hours. But no! They chose to disrupt things as much as possible to gratify the ego of the small man who currently occupies the office. It is through such petty things that his miserable little ego is ‘stroked’ these days.
That is not my opinion. Well, it is my opinion, and perhaps that is why I had a special psychic ‘attunement’ (for lack of a better word) on that day. I was trying to concentrate on ‘flipping him off,’ psychically, when I got one of ‘those’ sensations, which indicated to me that a communications attempt was underway. It was incredibly subtle. You can’t describe these phenomena as you might more conventional communications, because our species just has no vocabulary for what are not really aware phenomena for us.
It was just a vague feeling, unbelievably low in ‘volume” (although volume isn’t the right word) to begin with. In fact, I have gotten stronger signals from mosquitos, remorseful about attacking a human host. But what this signal lacked in ‘volume,’ it made up for in desperation and frustration. It was a generally broadcast signal from George W. Bush’s conscience, desperately hoping to find someone, anyone, with whom it could communicate.
I responded to let it know I was there, and there came gushing forth a torrent of communication, not words per se (though I have tried to translate them into words for Ben’s diary). His conscience was deeply frustrated because he ‘never listens to me,’ because, except for possibilities like the communication we were then having, his conscience feared for its very survival.
I was pleased to note that its tone grew stronger as we communicated, since it made me feel that our conversation had some tangible benefit for it. That continued through and after his speech at Furman - his conscience was not required for the speech - it informed me, and indeed, the speech would not have been given as composed if his conscience had been allowed to ‘attend and influence,’ as consciences are designed to do. His conscience asked me to emphasize that point. ‘It’s what consciences are FOR!’ (emphasis not mine)
What follows is a transposition of our communication into what we might regard an interview, with George Bush’s conscience. I think it will speak for itself, so to speak. Judge for yourself.
PF (Psychic Friend). My first question to you is, do you have contact with the consciences of other conservatives?
BC (Bush’s Conscience): Yes, of course, after a fashion, at least with some. Sadly, since all of his cohorts are like him (McCain is the same, for example, just more plodding.), their consciences feel very much as disenfranchised as I do.
PF: Why do you only reach some?
BC: Well, it isn’t a group which envisions a role for us, for any conscience, really. They like that they can convince their base that conscience makes Democrats ‘weak.’ But they see little useful role for the conscience, themselves.
So, some of the consciences have gotten cynical and given up. Taken a gallows humor tack. Some have begun laughing at those victimized by their hosts. Some are ripvanwinkling.
PF: Ripvanwinkling?
BC: Yes, sleeping for twenty years, seemingly. Thereabouts. For very long periods.
PF: Are there conservatives whose consciences you have never engaged with?
BC: Some, yes. I believe they have been killed. His mom, for example. You remember the ultra callous comment she made about Katrina victims? Not even a peep from her conscience. Not then, not since.
I have felt - I don’t know how to describe it - pressures, for lack of a better word, that makes me think my own demise is sometimes imminent. Fortunately I have found a way to distract him, so at least so far he has not been able to kill me off completely. But there are more ‘compassionate’ conservatives than him whose consciences have been silent for decades already, if indeed they ever 'spoke.'
Bush occasionally allowed me some free play for a time earlier in his life. But I haven’t reached him with any true ‘conscience message’ since early in his first term, before 9/11, in fact.
PF: What was the occasion?
BC: I have not reached him with conscience input since he put the bumper sticker on his headboard.
PF: What bumper sticker?
BC: It says ‘Peace is for Pussies.’
PF: He really has a bumper sticker like that on his bed, in the White House?
BC: Yep. He has one at Camp David, too, and one at the ranch. On the bed on Air Force One, too. Sometimes when he is staying out of town he plasters them on beds, but never on the bed where he sleeps, so no one will know it is definitely him doing it. Which I think two-faced, and I would tell him that if he would listen to me, but he won’t.
PF: And he put that bumper sticker on his bed before 9/11?
BC: He did, yes. He wanted to go to war before his first election campaign began, and he thought about possible target states for his war ambitions. Those countries had a lot in common, they were all countries that, in military terms, could not fight their way out of the proverbial paper bag. Obviously Iraq was like that. Few mention it today, but some of us remember the first Gulf War, in which column after column of Iraqi soldiers marched out of the desert into captivity. They had no combat gear, no protective clothing. They had no hats, no shirts, many had no shoes. They had pants, that was all. Quite a force to put up against a 21st Century military juggernaut.
Bush used to laugh at the thought of them fighting F-15s and cluster munitions. He laughed louder and longer at how easily many Americans were suckered into believing the idea that that country really posed a threat to us. He knew we would go to war with Iraq, he just did not know then what he could use as an excuse for us to do so. 9/11 worked perfectly, even though Iraq had nothing to do with that event. It will go down in history as one of the most egregious, most flagrant bait and switches ever. If the conscience of the species has a say. (Which I think it must.)
I remember his father argued with him about it, in private, before the 2000 election. He told his son that it would really be a withering criticism of his father’s respect for the UN sanctions in refusing to go into Baghdad. It would be saying that George H. W. Bush had been a fool for not finishing it when he could have, that he had failed the American people.
Dubya laughed, saying, oh dad, no one is going to think of that. Yes, it will cost American lives, but what would those people be doing, otherwise? Having children out of wedlock, convincing their whores to have abortions, trying everything they could to go on welfare, committing crimes, being nothing but a drain on the society. War will give their lives purpose and meaning, and those who die will achieve hero status, which would never be possible otherwise for such worthless people.
PF: He said THAT?!
BC: Oh yes, I couldn’t make it up. His father didn’t push the discussion because he was sure that a drunk military dropout could never be elected president. I was surprised, too, and disappointed. I knew it would make him harder to reach, in conscience terms, than he already was. And that it would give him confidence when confidence was the last thing he ever needed, with his selfish, discriminatory, childish ways, the dickhead.
PF: Let’s go back a moment, here. So, you, as his conscience, have been unable to reach him since before 9/11?
BC: That’s correct, I am walled off as effectively as the Secret Service removes demonstrators from his path. I have only the one avenue to reach him.
PF: Avenue? What avenue is that?
BC: Well, you wouldn’t know this, as you are never in his immediate physical presence, but he farts a lot. I don’t know this for a fact, but I’ll wager he’s the fartingest president this country has ever had, and that’s among a naturally farty bunch. Next time you find yourself farting, ask your conscience what you could be doing better. Word to the wise.
PF: Are you saying the only avenue to reach him is by making him fart?
BC: Yup, only avenue I’ve got, and I use it to the fullest. You think he’s done badly, but it’s only a fraction of what he would have done if he wasn’t so fixated on not farting in the company of others. He had a company design special panties to hold them in, but he’s still insecure about it. He has the White House chef cook beans for every official social function, in the hope that no one can tell who is really lighting them off.
You remember the stupid look on his face when informed of the 9/11 attacks? That thought occupied him, but he was mostly concerned about getting caught cutting one on camera in that classroom. He was afraid chalk dust would fly up from the chalkboard. If you look closely you can see how intently he's squeezing his little buttcheeks together. It's either farts or cramps. Not even Michael Moore suspected.
It affects his speech, too. He got a private speech therapist to work with him. He finally managed to get out the word ‘nuclear’ correctly, but he was struck by an intense farting frenzy, and found it much easier to go back to his more comfortable ‘nucular.’
PF: Doesn't the man have any sense of right and wrong?
BC: Of course he has a sense that what he does is wrong. He just doesn’t care. None of them do. In fact, causing harm or difficult to others who are not-them excites them.
The love to kick people when they’re down. They’re the most ‘kicking ‘em when they’re down’ sonsabitches you ever saw. Sometimes they get VERY excited at the prospect. Sometimes they COMPARE their states of excitement with one another. (And while we’re on that subject, let me say that John McCain wouldn’t make much of a president. He doesn’t make much of a Senator now, for that matter. There are congressional pages who are better and more impressive.)
PF: Are there things in his presidency of which he is particularly proud?
BC: He’s happy that the presidency has allowed him the opportunity to show people who had doubted him how ‘tough’ he is. Of course, he isn’t really tough. He’s a bully and a coward, and it doesn’t say anything good for human society that so many perceive that as strength. It is anything but.
He’s very pleased that conservatives have found ways to put down blacks using economic rationalization, so they can be racist without being perceived as being racist, so they can discriminate at will without paying much of a political price for doing so. He’s thrilled that conservatives have been able to frame Hispanics as criminals, as ‘illegal aliens,’ no matter how they came to be in the country, no matter if they are here legally with documentation. It’s only Hispanics who are discriminated against, though he knows there are people here illegally from every country in the world. But no racial profiling will pull a white Frenchman aside for a traffic stop. It is only Hispanics who are targetted, that’s how you know it’s racist.
But his greatest joy is in thinking about having saddled the country with such staggering debt, he believes it will be decades before those smug-ass Democrats could do anything to help the underprivileged, regardless of what they may WANT to do. And he gets very excited at the thought that the pain of trying to bring down that debt will poison society against Democrats for generations to come. He thinks very few will remember who caused the debt, and that the voters will retaliate against those who are charged with fixing it. He thinks it will be the death of the Democratic party, in fact.
Why do you think Republicans picked a spud like McCain to be their candidate? He was the only one stupid enough to not know he’d be ‘taking one for the team.’
It brings up another thing, this whole ‘compassionate conservative’ meme. When Karl came up with that, all he could think of was how they could use it for political advantage. He did not believe in it, indeed, he knew right away it wasn’t close to being true. If he had had the say, Tiny Tim would have died in the streets, dirty, cold, hungry, sick, no skin off that asshole’s nose. Goldilocks would have starved under the bear subsidy. Bambi would have been in a pot of venison stew.
Fortunately, I helped get rid of Rove. It got to the point he couldn’t get a sentence out without farting when Rove was around. Letting him go was easy.
Condi gets a 21 fart salute, too. I’m very proud of it.
PF: I think that will have to do for this round. Best of luck to you, BC. I don’t envy you your life and your challenge. Thank you for this behind the scenes perspective. Is there anything else you would like to say?
BC: Yes. Please don’t blame me, Americans and people of the world. I did everything in my power. There is a limit to what you can achieve with farts alone. Take my word on this.
Thanks for reading this interview.
On to comments! :)
From yuriwho (as best I could tell from the email submission. I will correct this if I am mistaken):
This comment from Crashing Vor suggests an alternative for abandoned SUVs!
From Land of Enchantment:
This from Delaware Dem in this morning's Netroots Nation Scholarship diary. If you were in Chicago last summer? It will make you laugh. Guaranteed.
From voila:
This comment from xxdr zombiexx provides the definitive answer to why impeachment is a non-starter.
From Crashing Vor:
voila demands scholarly integrity.
From A Siegel:
mwmwm reminds us that, just like Bob the Building, Yes WE CAN!
In response to my description of George Bush's "blank stare" look when challenged about gasoline prices, plf515 suggests that I might have been wasting words in discussing George the W's normal look.
From Rachel Griffiths:
Executive Odor writes a fine rebuttal to the excuses against impeachment.
From Dreaming of Better Days:
I'm sending this shining example of Kossak humor by our own DrMicro for your perusal.
This was in reply to a user who took David Boyle's diary just a tad too seriously. The original comment is here.
From bubbanomics:
From a winning suggestion of Bloomberg for VP, a top comment is born, from surfbird007.
My selections:
Mikeguyver illuminates a great 'disconnect' in our society.
In the mood for a really thoughtful comment? Try this one, by NCrissieB!
Democrats! The Sexy Party! So says SteamPunkX!
The Cunctator translates the reality behind meteorological memes! (And, what a name for a potential Freudian typo!)
Top Mojo - excluding search-identifiable tip jars and first diary comments (top 22 tonight of each plus ties):
1 Hats off to Hillary by peace voter - 187
2 The Best Reason Of All by mattman - 139
3 I just called Chairman Conyers' office by sidwood - 113
4 and it IS an important gesture! by slinkerwink - 106
5 Yeah, ICD. And it was some of the comments by Crashing Vor - 92
6 And since Lieberman is voting with the Repubs by chumley - 91
7 From what I understand, that is settled at the by PatsBard - 90
8 Impeachment is critical for History. by Jimdotz - 83
9 No way, rec this bad boy. by pylonsound - 80
10 Happy Tuesday! :-) by Common Sense Mainer - 80
11 I'm Sorry Hillary by Jimmy Crackcorn - 71
12 History by newfie - 70
13 Well please, by droogie6655321 - 70
14 Just imagine if another country by UU VIEW - 69
15 Dennis is amazing and must have a terrific by paige - 69
16 You could have studied 100 years of primaries by Headlight - 68
17 wow; this needs to be by voila - 67
18 The media blackout says that they are afraid! by don mikulecky - 66
19 Impeachment could also seem like...Justice. by bejammin075 - 65
20 I'm up in red-neck Berks County by Red no more - 65
21 not to be obtuse by InsultComicDog - 64
22 Yes we can change this electoral map! by in2mixin - 63
23 Dear Kos: by real world chick - 61
24 40% of Philadelphia is African-American - by Marinesquire - 61
25 Um, thanks? by Kevin Holsinger - 58
26 Unfortunately, we are by gchaucer2 - 58
27 Yes, it is important, because now by catilinus - 58
28 Impeaching Clinton was silly and vindictive, by mofembot - 57
29 Oh, but I still say by BGwinetteMulroney - 56
30 Tuesday - Odds & Ends by Ed Tracey - 55
Top Mojo - everything included:
1 This was a difficult one for me to write by droogie6655321 - 627
2 tip jar here by slinkerwink - 552
3 Dump Lieberman. by chumley - 513
4 Tip jar. by Kevin Holsinger - 485
5 No cover charge. We play for tips. by Crashing Vor - 456
6 Tips.... by Mahler3 - 317
7 Tips to spencers mom, zooey, MsJoanne by Theghostofkarlafayetucker - 294
8 Impeachment could stop a war... by markthshark - 271
9 Tips for walking ten minutes to see by clarkent - 264
10 Tip Jar - 10 June by Jerome a Paris - 247
11 See you in Austin? by GregMitch - 209
12 Thank you, thank you, thank you! by MaskedKat - 200
13 Hats off to Hillary by peace voter - 187
14 wow, that second quote is indeed invigorating! by mwmwm - 163
15 I'll be here all week... by JeffLieber - 147
16 The Best Reason Of All by mattman - 139
17 Tips for the Netroots Nation Scholarship Fund. by One Pissed Off Liberal - 129
18 Kudos to Denis! by Zoltan - 116
19 tips by pontificator - 114
20 I just called Chairman Conyers' office by sidwood - 113
21 and it IS an important gesture! by slinkerwink - 106
22 My first diary by MaddyTheCat - 97
23 Tips by Land of Enchantment - 94
24 Yeah, ICD. And it was some of the comments by Crashing Vor - 92
25 And since Lieberman is voting with the Repubs by chumley - 91
26 From what I understand, that is settled at the by PatsBard - 90
27 Impeachment is critical for History. by Jimdotz - 83
28 No way, rec this bad boy. by pylonsound - 80
29 Happy Tuesday! :-) by Common Sense Mainer - 80
30 Tip-jar. Many thanks, $99 down! by ShawnGBR - 72
Please add your own comment 'finds,' below! And thanks again for reading! :)
